Findy a bivy, probably one of the most stressful part about living in a van.  First, lets look at what a van has going for it.  Its inconspicuous.  No one actually knows you are living in there unless you make it obvious.  You can park in parking lots and act like just like any other van in the lot.  Second, you can move from your bed to the driver’s seat without actually having to leave your vehicle.  This allows for quick get aways.  Third, there’s lots of room in most vans, if you set it up correctly, you can cook inside it. In fact, you can do everything in there, but use the restroom.  Which if you are a male or have one of those penis envy devices, you can pee inside, which would be great.

A lot of places out west, there’s not too much of a problem when it comes to finding a bivy.  There is a lot of government land out there, and you should pay attention to where the BLM has land and some of the Forest Service land is safe depending where you are. If you are in Canada, look for the “Queen’s Land”.  Now the line between FS and BLM is fuzzy to me, but you can stay in one spot for up to two weeks without getting a ticket or thrown in jail.  As long as you move periodically, you shouldnt have a problem. Just dont make a mess!  No fires, no beer breaking, be quiet and dont throw parties.  Remember, you already sacrificed most of your “normal” friends who like to party, so this shouldn’t be a problem.

Maybe you stumbled upon a cheap campground.  For example, there are places out there that only charge $2/night (i.e. the pit and Miguels).  Hopefully there will be more in the future.  These places are awesome as long as you can stand the crowd.  For those who do like to party, have campfires and spray about climbing, this is where you should go and stay.  You’ll be so busy talking about climbing, that you might forget to actually go climbing, most days.  You can climb just enough to keep the spray going.

Ok, now that the low hanging fruit has been plucked, lets talk about all the other places out there that are conducive to the dirtbag lifestyle.  Most people will recomend WalMart Parking lots.  The store is opened 24hrs and it is legal to stay the night there in your vehicle.  I personally have never slept in a Walmart parking lot.  The lights bother me and I just dont like Walmart.  But, its good to know its out there in case of emergency bivy nights.

I like hotel parking lots.  The cars there change daily and the parking lot attendant isnt always paying the closests attention.  This can be tricky.  I have been caught here before, and that SUCKS!  Having to find a new bivy in the middle of the night is NO FUN. I was caught at one of the hotels in Springdale, Utah, right outside Zion National Park.  We were being lazy that day and didnt want to drive all the way out to the other bivy site, or maybe we didnt know where the site was at that time.  Anyways.  Pick a poorer hotel, one where the front desk person gets paid minimal and hates their job.  But, this is an artform, because often these shitty motels are where people party and are loud, and are sometimes in a sketchy neighborhood or right by the highway.  The higher end hotels have cameras and write down everyone’s vehicle who is staying.  So be weary.  Its a tough call, and I really only use these parking lots as last case options, but its better than Walmart, in my opinion.

One place I have never bivied, but last time when I was in Chattanooga looking for a place to stay, my friend mentioned it, the parking garage.  They are big, not much regulation.  Get your little ticket stub and park it!  Just be sure there isnt any posted signs about over night parking.  And use a pee bottle here, no one wants their parking garage to smell like piss.

Now, worse comes to worse, the illegal bivy.  Sometimes you have to roll the dice.  You drove an half hour to get to the green area on the map and when you arrive, there are only $30 campsites or they’re full.  Just remember, you only have to make it until its daytime in these areas. You could try the overflow or walk up parking.  You can pull over on a pull out.  Just park it, be quiet and hope for the best.  Its really hard to get shut eye when you are on edge, but if you just do this once, you might get away.

Story Break: Red Rocks Camping.  Pain in the Ass!!!  The campground is always full and the only other spot to bivy is a half hour away.  So, my friends and I arrive after driving many hours to get there and there isnt any room and its late.  We parked in the over flow parking, and threw our sleeping bags in the brush a little ways from the car.  We were not living in our vehicle at this time.  In the morning, i open my eyes, and I see the camphost, and, trust me, they’re mean there….  you’ll get yelled at for any reason possible. But there she is, cleaning the bathroom, but she hadnt seen us yet.  We wait for a few minutes until she goes into the bathroom, and we move like lightening.  We gather our sleeping bags run to the jeep and throw it in.  We pull away just as she is coming out of the toilet.  Yes, we did it! But wait, I left my long board underneath the car.  We had to go back.  ugh.  Lucky for us, the long board was there and the mean lady was nowhere to be seen.

The best bivy spot is in front of a friend’s house.  Friends make the world a better place, so when I said you “sacrifice” your friends, I really meant that you dont cut them off, you just dont party or hang out nearly as much as you use to.  You cannot get by in this world without friends.  They make life so much better.  You can park there indefinently, use their kitchen and toilet, and its fun.  Rules to consider while crashing in your friends’ front/back yards.  Give more than you receive.  This is UBER important.  No one likes a bum.  Dont drink all their beer, infact, you should be stockiing their fridge with beer!  Dont eat all their cookies, make them cookies!  You also need to be a source of entertainment without being over bearing.  Be funny, and if you cant be funny, then be nice and helpful.  Dont be in the way and keep your mess out of sight.  If you stay there an extended amount of time, you could clean a room or something.

So, best option is a friends yard or a cheap campground.  BLM and FS land come in second and worst option is illegal bivies on state/federal/private land.  Be extra weary about the Federal and private lands.  You could potentially have charges brought against you.  If you are ever caught, be nice and play dumb.  Make up a story about how you have been driving all night and didnt know where to go.  You just got there and you were planning on leaving first thing in the morning.  Have the girlfriend do this explaining.  For some reason, we find more compassion from people than most men do.  And then leave, find a Walmart and get some sleep.