In the woman’s climbing world, finding a climbing partner can often feel like dating. This is a double edged sword because I have personally experienced some of the best relationships with my climbing partners, but suffered some of the worst breakups ever.

As far as I am concerned, there are two types of women climbers: a climber’s girlfriend and bad-ass lady climbers.  We all start somewhere.  Most of us, as climber’s girlfriends, and it is our choice when the relationship ends whether or not to take it to the next level.  I am happy to say that I went there and I am still going.  Becoming stronger and more independent as the days roll by.  Climbing has significantly improved my life and personality.  I hope that many climbing girlfriends can tap into this awesomeness and become the bad-ass climber that is hiding inside.

From what I have witnessed, being a climber’s girlfriend is somewhat awful.  Not only do you have a completely self-absorbed, egotistical boyfriend who will always choose climbing before you, but when you break up, you stop climbing.  Not to mention this breeds the worst climbing partnership out there.  I cannot tell you how many times I have seen the guy yelling at the girl to do something she doesn’t want to do.  Point blank, climbing brings out insecurities in people and couples.  Most of the time these fights end in tears and is embarrassing for everyone.  Everyone has to learn how to manage fear during their climbing experience and if you have some asshole yelling at you while you are scared out of your whits…. it isn’t good.

This is how most of my climbing partners feel after I date them…

Ok, now that we have a climber’s girlfriend out of the way.  Lets move on to what bad-ass climbers need to take into consideration before making the commitment.

Pros:

You develop a really strong bond.  Nothing like trusting your life in the hands of your lover.  Intensity on the rock often translates to intensity in the bed (or van).

You never need to look for an adventure partner.  Oh, you wanna go to Zion?  How about Yosemite?  You have a dependable and willing partner who you love to be with to count on for your climbing needs.  Planning trips  become fun.  You two get to manifest anything your heart desires.

You climb harder when you are with someone you are attracted to.  I get the best energy from my significant other.  When I am with my love, I often feel invincible.

Climbers have really nice bodies.  Toned and fit, its nice and we are spoiled.

Honeymoons.  I think if I were to marry a climber, we’d have the best honeymoon ever and every anniversary (or every five) after that will be spent climbing somewhere cool.  I’m thinking Mediterranean honeymoon, with expeditions to Cirque of the Unclimbables, Pakistan, Krygyzstan, Venezuela, for the years to follow.

Cons:

When you break up, you lose your climbing partner.  This is the worst part, and I seriously have been reconsidering dating my climbing partners due to this major cost. Sometimes a relationship needs to stick to the wall and not move into bed. And its essential to know when you must make this decision.

Intensity on the rock can translate to intensity in fights. Now, I cant really say if I would fight with a non-climbing boyfriend like I do with my climbing boys. But hot damn.  One of the most ridiculous fights I have ever gotten into was over bouldering at the Buttermilks or climbing trad at Little Egypt. F*(&ing Aye@!  If he would have told me he wanted to go bouldering before I set my hopes on sending Espresso Crack, the whole fight could have been avoided.  Ok, this con might just be a personality disorder of mine.

You get stuck in couple-dom, where you spend ALL THE TIME TOGETHER.  You eat sleep, climb and party with your partner.  All your favorite things to do are also his favorite things to do.  This can be great for a couple, but it can also lead to super intense relationships that burn out.

Forget about going on dates.  Long days spent together and penny pinching often leaves no room for going on dates.  There’s no dinner and a movie, unless you grab a bit to eat after a day of climbing, which in my opinion, doesn’t count as a date.

How to make a climbing partner into a lasting boyfriend?

This is what I am trying to figure out.  All of my relationships have failed.  Either due to selfish goals (of mine or his) or too much intensity.   I am now trying to learn to screen my partners.  First step is to do day trips together.  See how that goes.  Normally, I can tell from these day trips whether or not I am attracted to the person.

Next step is to go on an overnight trip together.  This is a very important step that shouldn’t be missed.  You will get rid of so much pressure that could later come up in the relationship by simply doing this before things got intimate.  Plus, s/he gets to see the cowlicks and snot hanging out of your nose before s/he gets a chance to create this perfect picture of you in her/his mind. You dont want him/her making high expectations, after all we’re all dirty and smelly climbers when it boils down to it.

If you can make it through a weekend trip, and still think somewhat highly of him/her/eachother, then he’s a maybe.  Moving slowly is the key.  The climbing community is normally really small, so you have to be sure you pick the right mate for you.  You might only get one shot at this.

Breaking Up

The worst part ever, non climber or climber.  There is no good way to go about this.  Its going to hurt.  You cannot keep climbing together.  It doesn’t work, no matter how much you want it to.  I used to pride myself in thinking that I could maintain friendship with my exes, but that is bullshit.  Someone got their ego bruised and seeing each other only rips back open the wound. But on the other hand, you have to accept that you will see your ex all the time.  You either have to make amends, forgive or be forgiven, and then move on.  They will date other hot women climbers and you will find another stud to push you to the next level in climbing.

So is it worth it?

I dont know.  I cant imagine life with a non-climber.  But this has a lot to do to the fact that I have devoted my life to climbing.  This devotion doesn’t leave much room for anything else.  I really love dating my climbing partner.  My crushes bring me the most joy ever and I do want to spend all my time with them. There is no such thing as too much time together when I am in love, because that’s all I want.  I am the type of person that likes to devote my time and energy to a few people.  Then they can get the best of me, and I am not spread too thin.  I wouldnt trade the past 5 years of my life for anything.  I’ve had two serious climbing partners and they were worth the pain, although, I am not sure if they’d agree.  I’ve had a handful of non-serious boyfriends and they were pretty annoying.  It boils down to making sure you are picking the right one to begin with.

Climbing culture breeds a difficult bunch of people.  We are independent, strong, often opinionated, and love to heckle.  Some of us come from difficult backgrounds and enjoy living on the fringe of society.  I always try to go against the grain of popular culture whenever possible.  I have also found that there are many narcissistic people who excel in climbing.  These characteristics often making having a lasting relationship hard.

Best of luck to all the climbers out there dating.  May the odds be in your favor.